OhGod he was just making everything worse, sitting here and acting like some spoiled rich kid whose biggest trouble growing up was that he'd never been allowed to stretch and saying all the wrong things, acting like the end of the world was somehow his fault but everyone else should make it better for him because he was too sad to be of any good to anyone. So what if he lost his entire world? He'd never been all that invested in it anyway, but there were other people who had lost just as much if not more, and they were still trying.
He just wanted whatever it was that they had, that kept them going, and he was blowing this spectacularly and now he'd hurt Karla and...
"I'm sorry," he murmured, tired and small and trying and failing to keep from hiding behind his wings. "I know this isn't just hitting me. I know. And there are people out there doing everything they can, you're doing everything you can and... And I'm just..." Deep breath. "I'm making this worse. I shouldn't even be talking right now. I'll be quiet."
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branchandroot
(no subject)
Date: 2011-11-30 05:12 am (UTC)Not what he'd meant, entirely?
But it was exactly what he'd said, wasn't it?
OhGod he was just making everything worse, sitting here and acting like some spoiled rich kid whose biggest trouble growing up was that he'd never been allowed to stretch and saying all the wrong things, acting like the end of the world was somehow his fault but everyone else should make it better for him because he was too sad to be of any good to anyone. So what if he lost his entire world? He'd never been all that invested in it anyway, but there were other people who had lost just as much if not more, and they were still trying.
He just wanted whatever it was that they had, that kept them going, and he was blowing this spectacularly and now he'd hurt Karla and...
"I'm sorry," he murmured, tired and small and trying and failing to keep from hiding behind his wings. "I know this isn't just hitting me. I know. And there are people out there doing everything they can, you're doing everything you can and... And I'm just..." Deep breath. "I'm making this worse. I shouldn't even be talking right now. I'll be quiet."